Playing a Training Game with my Coach

I’ve said many times on this blog that my coach likes to yell at me while we play. Well, I just so happened to catch one such incident this Saturday night. I wasn’t originally gonna make a blog about it, but it seemed too good an opportunity to pass up, so while this game is a bit humiliating for me I share it with you to not hide from my shame.

And while it might look like my coach is super mean to me, actually he’s not. We’ve built up a deep trust and respect for each other and none of the anger leaves the court. But make sure to watch towards the end for the disclaimer because I don’t want anyone to get the idea this is how people should act with their partners. (Because it isn’t. It only works because we have a training relationship, not a playing relationship.)


  1. Gerry

    Lots of respect to you for putting that video up, if you are happy with the dialogue between you and your coach then that’s all that matters, it’s your relationship.

    Personally I find it too negative, negativity breeds negativity. I sometimes play with and against my students, I may give 1 or 2 helpful comments during a game but I know from 30 years experience (State/national levels) that more than that just goes over the players head.

    After 1 or 2 comments no matter what is said all the player simply hears is “I’m crap” I even find that during big tourneys when during the 2 mins I had with my players to give advice about their play, I try to stick to 1 suggestion as they are in playing mode NOT listening mode.

    Thanks again for putting it up as it serves as a really good insight ! If I spoke to some of my female players like that I can imagine me swallowing a racket 🙂

    Personally I will stick to my encouraging methods 🙂 🙂

    1. Becky (Post author)

      I definitely used to think “I’m crap,” but actually these days it doesn’t cross my mind. Not because I think I’m so good, haha, but more because my coach only yells at me when I do something he knows I know better than to do. So it’s not my poor level, just that I was too lazy or not thinking and I know that’s true. And I am stubborn enough where I want to just “show HIM what I can do,” and then I will try harder. Like, this video was taken at 10pm after I had been playing for 3 hours and I didn’t have much in me. But he knows if he can kick up my competitiveness then I’ll ignore my fatigue just to kind of show him up, or shut him up.

      Although it works the opposite with other people. If other people yell at me how to play or move when we are in the middle of the rally my stubbornness is directed towards them. Like, I hate when I’m going for a shot and they yell out “attack” or whatever and it was what I was already gonna do. Then they always say “right, right,” like it was THEIR idea and not mine (and then they think “thank god for my clear command otherwise she wouldn’t know what to do.I better start yelling out in a game every time and tell her what to do and where to stand.” That makes me really angry and almost makes me want to do something they don’t say just so they don’t think they can control me like that. So my stubbornness works for me and against me.

      But yeah, VERY good idea not to speak to the female players like that. Haha. There is only one guy in the world who can speak to me like that and I only let him because of the trust and respect we have for each other. Anyone else does get a racket down the gullet! 😉

  2. Gerry

    Yes everyone thinks they know better, it’s one thing to accept it from a coach that you respect and trust but another from other players, best to nip that in the bud !
    I see that here in the UK too, I always advise my female players not to accept it, lots of young social male players seem to want to play mixed doubles as if it’s singles with a female in his way 🙁

    keep training hard 🙂


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